Half Awake

For years I’ve searched. Led by the maps of others. Trapped on the paths I know. Confined by existence. Trapped by reality. Imprisoned by my lack of awareness. This is not my existence. This is not my reality. I was told it should be this way.

I don’t believe it.

I must go. I will go.

Within, to the furthest recesses of my mind. What lies within that I cannot see? How do I learn to see? Beyond. Can I break the barrier of beginning?

When did I begin?

Without, to the edge of time, reality, and existence.

Where is that border? What’s beyond it?

What do I carry that will allow me to reach that threshold? To cross it?

Can I?

Will I?

Where will it all lead?

When will it end?

Will I end?

Will I still be human? Something more? Something less?

I don’t know. I’m afraid of knowing. I must know.

Light cannot be perceived without darkness.

Space without density

Motion without stillness

Heat without cold

Gain without loss

Life without death

These opposites shape perception. Perception shapes reality. What do they create in the space between?

What does it all mean?

Have I been here before?

Will I be here again?

How do I break this cycle?

Did I lay out this path for this iteration of myself? Where are the markers? How do I know where to go?

Will angels guide me? Will demons? Will I know the difference?

Who will I meet along the way?

Will I ever find you again?

Did I ever find you?

Did our paths ever truly cross?

Have I ever found me?

There is a place beyond that which we know.

I’ve seen it in visions. I’ve seen it in dreams. I’ve felt it calling.

A place where matter and energy seamlessly interchange.

A place of instant manifestation. A place where reality bends to the will.

We communicate without words. We interact without a medium.

A sea of light, place beyond time as we understand it.

A place of understanding. A place of knowing.

Where is this place? I can still see it, like the light of a distant star. It’s flickering. Hazy. All but forgotten.

How do I reach it again?

Is it the end? Is it a beginning?

I cannot be swayed by the paths I thought I knew.

I cannot hold onto what I think I know.

I know nothing.

I know the way. The way is within that leads to the path without.

I have to find it again.

I will have an answer. This is my answer.

I hear the call.

The past always ends at this moment. The future always begins in this moment.

I exist in this moment.

I know where I am.

I know the first step.

Let go. Release that which was trapped. Open that which was closed. Remember that which was forgotten. Raze that which was built.

Let go. The way will manifest from there.

Never look back.

I won’t look back.

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